Supernatural Time!
by bravelikesoldiers
Summary: The bees told Cas a story, and he felt it was of great import to share it with Dean. Crack, season 7 (insane!Cas). T for Dean's potty mouth.


Why _hello_ my readers! Not that I currently have readers. Well, I have one. She knows who she is, and if you enjoy this story, be sure to send her a telepathic thank you. Without her, _Supernatural Time_ as told by Castiel would never have been born. And neither would the candy alpacas, and Sam would cry. Please review. You would make my day so much cooler just by reading your little review-words. I look forward to it. Flames are not particularly welcome, but if you really hate it, try to articulate your criticism in such a way that I can make sense of it instead of saying gakugrfkjdaughkjadfjabfahHATRED. Thank you :)

Please, do enjoy.

**disclaimer** I don't own _Supernatural_ or _Adventure Time_. If I did, Destiel would be canon and Marcy and Bubblegum would be lesbian lovers.

* * *

The first time it happened, Cas was trying to tell Dean he was sorry.

Dean was sitting on the crappy motel bed (which had some very suspicious stains) and doing some half-assed research to pass the time on this particular afternoon. Sam had left to interview a victim and get some food on the way back. His brother wasn't particularly enjoying the time alone. The room felt stifling and oppressive, mirroring Dean's thoughts. Left to his own devices, the hunter felt like he was dying, albeit very slowly and subtly.

It was terrifying.

Dean had just made the choice to throw on a jacket and walk to the nearest bar when a soft _whoosh_ filled the air.

"Hello Dean."

Dean turned, unsurprised to see Castiel smiling serenely at him, still wearing the bland white patients' uniform under his beat-up trench coat. "Hey, Cas," he sighed, scrubbing at his face with one hand. "What're you doing here? I thought you were off watching the bees or whatever the fuck."

Castiel took this as an invitation to gingerly sit on the opposite motel bed. "Dean, the bees told me a story."

Dean looked up. "What?"

"It's very intriguing, and I thought to share it with you. I did some research, and there are stories like it, on the Internet -"

The hunter held up a hand in mild alarm. "Wait, wait. What have you been reading on the Internet?"

"Stop interrupting me, and I'll tell you," Castiel huffed. Dean stared but stayed silent, so the angel continued, "It's called _FanFiction_ and it's amazing what these writers have done with our lives. Well, the _Wincest_ is actually kind of unsavory -"

Dean froze as a surge of horrible memories came back to him.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Castiel said. "I've upset you."

Dean shuddered. "Not your fault. Moving on."

"Right. Well, the story the bees told me, it seems to be what the writers of FanFiction would call a _crossover_. You see, I was watching a children's cartoon called _Adventure Time with Finn and Jake_. It struck me how alike the two main characters are to you and Sam, rushing headlong into danger without care."

"I wouldn't say without _care_ -"

Castiel waved a hand flippantly. "When I expressed this notion to the bees, they told me the crossover story. I thought you might want to hear, considering it concerns you."

"Cas, I really don't have time for this -"

"Hush, Dean," Castiel said with a reproachful look. "Everyone has time for a story, even you. As I was saying -"

Dean gritted his teeth. "Cas, seriously."

"Dean, seriously," Castiel mocked, "I'm going to tell you this story. It's very important that you hear it."

"And why is that?"

"I don't know." The angel looked vaguely troubled. "Please, Dean, I know you're angry with me and you are justified, but you need to hear this."

"Fine. Fine, just...get it over with."

Castiel nodded. "Once upon a time in the land of Ooo -"

_"Ooo?"_

"Yes, Dean, Ooo. That is the mythical place where Finn and Jake, and therefore you and Sam, live. Once upon a time in the land of Ooo, there was a gallant young human hero and his faithful half-demon-moose brother..."

\\||/

Dean was playing video games on his living live-in console, Charlie, when Sam burst through the door. Lady Jessicorn trailed behind her beloved at a far more sedate pace, her lithe form occupying the doorway as Dean leapt to his feet. "Sam!" Dean shouted, quite unnecessarily since his brother was a mere three feet away.

"Dean!" Sam shouted in return. The brothers embraced in a very brotherly and manly hug, complete with macho back-slaps. "I haven't seen you in, like, two hours, Dean! What's been going on?"

"Oh, nothing much, just playing on Charlie."

Charlie waved cheerily. "Hello, Sam, Lady Jessicorn. It's good to see you."

"It's good to see you, too, Charlie," said Lady with a broad smile, while Sam simply nodded.

"Dean," he said his brother's name for the third time in less than two minutes, as if he wasn't sure Dean was really there and not on some new adventure without him. Like Hell. "I just got a message from Princess Castiel!"

\\||/

Dean's head snapped up from where he'd been slouching against the headboard. _"Princess_ Castiel? Really, Cas?"

The angel in question crossed his arms defensively. "The character in the cartoon I'm replacing is a princess, so yes, Princess Castiel. Unlike you, I have no qualms about this revelation as gender means nothing to me. Are you done interrupting?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Dean grumbled, much like a petulant child during his bedtime story. Cas sniggered at the thought but wisely did not share it.

"Where was I? You've got me off track. The bees told it very specifically, I remember...Ah."

\\||/

"Really?" Dean's eyes, hidden behind his signature aviator sunglasses, gleamed. A message from Princess Castiel almost always ended in adventure, hunting down the evil Hell King or fighting an epic poem of a battle with Lucifer. "What did he say?"

"That we really need to be at his castle ASAP." Sam checked his watch. "That was like, three days ago, though."

Dean was already out the door, grabbing his favorite knife as he slung on his impala-shaped backpack. Lady Jessicorn trotted into the meadow in front of the tree house motel while Dean climbed onto his brother's shoulders. He gestured forward with his short dagger with one hand and grabbed one of Sam's antlers with the other, yelling, "Go forth, noble beast!"

"I can only go so fast," Sam complained as he began the long trek to the Candy and Burger Kingdom. "You've been eating too much pie, Dean. You've gotten fat."

The hunter looked affronted. "Excuse me, Sam!" he said from his perch. "This is all _muscle!"_

"Yeah, sure," Sam returned scathingly. "And I'm a half-demon-moose-human."

"Um, Sam," Dean said gently. "You kind of are."

The mutant hung his head. "Oh yeah."

Dean did not point out that the fact that Sam was, in fact, a half-demon-moose-human meant that he'd effectively won this argument. He was a very considerate brother.

"So, Sam," Dean said, changing the subject. "Do you have any idea what Princess Castiel wants?"

"No. But I'll do just about anything considering all he's done for us!"

"You're right, Sam," Dean affirmed with a sharp nod. "Cas is our friend and we should help him and forgive him no matter how wrong he is. He's always done the same for us."

"Even if he is a spying spy." Sam spat out the last two words with disgust, then shook his head, nearly knocking off Dean's sunglasses. The hunter clutched the lenses frantically.

"Hey, Sam, calm down. You're gonna take out my eye or something."

"Sorry," Sam said morosely. He really hated his antlers sometimes.

Lady Jessicorn sped up. "C'mon, guys, we're almost there even though this walk should've taken days."

"Whoah," Dean said. "Sweet."

Princess Castiel greeted them at the gates to his kingdom, small crowd of candy and burger people milling about behind him. "Sam, Dean!" he exclaimed, completely ignoring Lady Jessicorn as most are wont to do. "I'm so glad you're here. I'm afraid we have a bit of a situation on our hands."

"Oh no," said Sam as Dean dismounted. "Is this situation time-sensitive? Should I feel a completely unnecessary amount of guilt for not responding to your message sooner?"

"Should I feel even more guilty because we didn't respond to your message sooner," inquired Dean, "even though I had no way of knowing about your message until Sam told me about it?"

"No, no," said Princess Castiel, waving his hands vaguely. "No guilt complexes. We don't have time."

"Oh okay," said Dean, relieved. His guilt complex really got in the way. "So what's the sitch?"

Princess Castiel regarded his friend for a moment, puzzled as to why Dean had chosen to abbreviate the word situation so needlessly. "The candy alpacas seem to have escaped."

"What?" Sam's eyes filled with tears. "Not the candy alpacas!" Lady Jessicorn put a soothing hand on his shoulder.

"Yes, the candy alpacas," intoned Castiel gravely. "The Hell King has set them loose." He gestured to the candy people. "I must stay here to guard my loyal subjects, so I'm counting on you to get the alpacas back. Can you do that?"

Dean took off his sunglasses, momentarily exposing the world to the beauteous glimmer of his bright green eyes, only to replace the lenses dramatically. "Challenge accepted."

Sam nodded, his moose antlers coming dangerously close to Dean's head. "We'll get the candy alpacas back, Cas," he said. "Even if it costs us our lives."

"Well, I don't really think all that is necessary -"

"Lady Jessicorn," Sam continued, blithely ignoring Princess Castiel's objections, "you should probably stay here. I don't want you to get hurt." Lady nodded and moved to stand beside Castiel as Dean reclaimed his spot on Sam's shoulders.

"Fare thee well!" called Princess Castiel, waving a white handkerchief. Dean brandished his dagger in return as Sam reared up and galloped away, which is very hard to do on two legs.

"Onward, noble steed!" Dean yelled valiantly. "The candy alpacas await!" He paused, looking down at his brother's head. "Too much?"

"Yeah," Sam replied with a skillfully executed bitchface, though Dean couldn't see it. "Yeah, too much."

And so their adventure began.


End file.
